No Makeup!

To me someone telling me that I was not allowed to wear makeup is one of the scariest things in the world! but after reading Zoella's post called just say yes (http://www.zoella.co.uk/2012/09/just-say-yes.html) i have been trying to combat some of my fears. Like Zoella I also suffer quite badly with panic attacks and have done since I was 13, they have been getting better recently but I know that if i do not do something about the way that i live my life then they will just get worse again and i will become afraid to leave the house as i was for the last year really. Unlike Zoella i do know what sets my panic attacks off and one of these is going out without makeup on, don't ask me why because i don't even wear that much but when i don't wear it i feel as though i can't breath, i want to break down into tears, i start to feel dizzy and i get a really bad ringing in my ears. So i don't really have a reason that i would want to go out without makeup on....... or at least i didn't till i started to do my beauty therapy course.

For my beauty therapy course we were going to have to take our makeup off to do the facial skincare unit and i had one week to prepare myself for this. I know how bad my anxiety about taking my makeup off in a public place is as when i was getting my tonsils taken out i had a panic attack and it was not the thought of having surgery that was scaring me it was the fact that i was sitting in a room full of people without any makeup on. I know that that makes me sound so pathetic but i really cant help it, i think being bullied has definitely had a lot to do with the way that i see myself but I just cant be in public without makeup at all without having a panic attack. So with a week to prepare myself i realised how stupid a fear it was and that i just had to man up and realise that the panic attack would not kill me and that i am only 16 years old i should be able to go out without makeup on!

So the day arrived that i had to go to college with no makeup on, so many people were going to see me feeling the most vulnerable that i can feel, but i did it i walked out the front door without makeup on and i was panicking, i felt as though i could not breath but i also knew that i had to just get over the fear and then i would be fine, and i was. People weren't pointing and staring at my ugly mug, it was just a normal day, and even though i had 3 more panic attacks that day it felt soooo good to do something that i was terrified of doing and and for it to actually be ok.

My face when i got back from college and realised that i could start combating my fears and taking control of my panic attacks.





















so since this i have decided that i am going to write a list of things that lead to my panic attacks and do something to try and get over my panic attacks as i will not let them rule my life! if anyone reading this is a fellow panic attack sufferer i hope that you will also try to get over them wether it  be to get onto a crowded train or to go out without makeup on, and if you do get a panic don't worry get off the train at the next stop, or go into a toilet until you feel ready to go out again, but carry on and one day it will start to feel better, i promise!

even today i went out with no makeup on at all!

do you think i'm dumb?

Ok so today I want to talk about something that annoys me sooooo fricken much! But before I do say any of this you should all know that I am a perfectly intelligent person who has managed to gain 10 GCSE's even though I only had 63% attendance (due to medical reasons I wasn't just skiving) in my final school year. I am also currently studying a course at college which is the equivalent of 3 A levels, and I am planning on starting an English Literature A level after christmas. So it may surprise you that the course that I am currently studying at college is beauty therapy.

Admit as soon as you saw that I was studying beauty  therapy an image of a fakery covered bimbo like Amy Childs popped into your head. It annoys me that this could be peoples reaction towards me and I blame the media, we are constantly drip fed images and told that beauty therapists are dumb girls who failed there exams and therefore had to do a course that fitted their level of intelligence, or that beauty therapy is something that just anybody can do. For example just watching something like Eastenders a girl will show up and work in the beauty salon without any training, and all they will do is sit there and do peoples nails. Firstly I had to get 5 GCSE's at a grade C or above to get onto the course so I would not have just been able to have this as a fall back course incase I did not get my grades for another course or to do A levels, also a salon will not take on an untrained person as they would not be able to get insurance and would therefore be breaking the law. 

People also always seem to think that it is a doss course where you just sit around and do nothing, I can tell you that this is so far from the truth that it is funny! In my first week at college we got a 8 task assignment (this works out to pretty much be a massive essay), we then got another 4 of these to do for the first 6 week block of college. Now that we are on our second unit of body massage the work is not going to get any easier as we also have to to the anatomy and physiology of the entire body. 

This was just the first weeks work load!

i hope that this blog post can go some way to even changing one persons opinion about people who do beauty therapy course, or who are already beauty therapists.

My First Blog Post!

ok so if anyone actually does read this this is my first ever blog, I've kind of wanted to start writing one for absolutely ages.

so anyway a little bit of information about me, my name is Natalie Nicol and i'm pretty much your average 16 year old girl from England. I love fashion and makeup, and is one day my dream to be a makeup artist :) the ultimate thing that i could possibly do would be to work the london fashion week, that would just make all of my dreams come true! I don't really know what else to write at the moment but i will be posting again very soon :)